It’s something subtle but consequential. A part that assigns meaning to everything that happens to you.

Someone cuts you off on the road.

A message arrives.

A plan falls apart.

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Before you have time to think and before you’ve even registered what’s happened, something in you has already handed down a verdict.

_{‘'This is terrible.’}

_{‘This is unfair.’}

_{‘This ruins everything.’}

OR,

_{‘This is fine.’}

_{‘I can handle it.’}

_{‘This doesn’t touch me.’}

This inner talk is something that ultimately affects our outlook and then our actions.

Understanding it can change how you approach each day.

Let’s take a look.

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Most of us like to think of ourselves as educated because it points to advancement and achievement in some form.

When you think about who it is among the more recent eras that fulfills the description you might think of the professor at your college, or even a grandparent who just seemed to have all the good answers. Einstein, or Obama, Hawkings or the boy next door with his head always in book.

In part three we considered the fact of Marcus Aurelius writing to himself rather then for an audience.

This point matters more then it first appears.

That’s because he was one of the most literate and educated men of his age.

Imagine that for a moment.

Was he just born some kind of miracle set to lead? Or did he commit himself to disciplinary learning?

How much of the man was like you or I before he begun and became Emperor?

At his peak he could have written philosophy for publication and been surrounded by people who would have read and celebrated it.

But he chose not to.

That fact is remarkable because it highlights what kind of writer Aurelius was.

He was both the writer and the reader.

He loved, comforted and guided himself the best way he knew how for lack of knowledge of anything greater-perhaps intentional ignorance so as not to thwart the power of state he felt he boar alone?

But it also perhaps proves that though he wrote about preparedness for daily life through simple practices-the hypothetical analysis of what might occur given certain known circumstances of proud arrogant people, it might be supposed that he disliked these persons greatly because they well reflected what he himself contended with in his own person.

We can glean productive practices and apply them into our daily modern lives, but if anything should be managed and tamed it has to be the weight of unsolicited pride when dealing with others.

This is not the healthy pride in self that is necessary, but the arrogance of self that paces like a rotten smell as though born entitled to only the very best and at whatever cost.

This kind of pride breaks down society and stampedes on the rights of fellow humans.

The reason that Aurelius chose to remain quiet about his writing is philosophically significant.

Writing to an audience inevitably introduces performance.

True and honest writing takes place when the writer is not under this kind of pressure.

Only then do the words flow like honey and does the mind find a solitude remarkably comforting.

Even writers today who write for engagement soon realize that the whole affair asks much more from them then first anticipated.

This is the difference between writers who want to fulfill the dream of what they think writing and being a writer is opposed to those who are specifically trained writers such as freelancers, journalists and professional content creators.

This is the difference between why some writers give up so soon, because the path that looks smooth and flat turns out to be a steep climb uphill and involves losing your footing at times along the way.

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If you are just starting out as a writer, then don’t be discouraged by that truth.

It should help clarify what you need to do to get to where you want to be.

If you are impatient and lack discipline, then these will also be matters that courses for writers will involve and as you attend such courses you will most certainly see if it is something you want to stick with long-term.

It’s a good place to start.

But even better?

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Writing to and for yourself.

Writing to yourself strips away the pressure of reception.

Like running naked outside in your garden on a warm starry night as though perfectly normal or spontaneously stripping off to swim in a hidden lagoon inside a cave.

It’s invigorating.

And that’s how your writing should feel.

Invigorating.

If it feels forced or robotic then it is not even scratching the surface of who you might actually be as a writer and to discover what that looks like, you need to write viciously uninhabited, for yourself.

This is also why some writers who after years of writing for self, decide on adopting a pseudonym because it allows them to still feel less restrained.

What remains when you write for just you is an honest self-examination without the distortion of ego or reputation.

It’s a brilliant dance of flavors that end up in the cone all at once.

The writings of Aurelius, never intended for outside eyes and known as ‘Meditations’ is extraordinary because of that fact - it was never meant to be read.

This alone makes the reading compelling.

There is no posturing in it, no argument constructed for persuasion.

It is a man holding himself to account in the most private way possible and finding, morning after morning that he fell short of his own standard and then would commit to trying again the next day.

This alone shows us that the ancients could have a rigid way of thinking and a state of mind that was unpreventably inflexible from early learned belief systems.

The discipline of such minds applied to productive practices like the first five minutes window however is what was required and it is what is highlighted here for those who accept the challenge, but it leaves open to question the fact that such inflexible minds might have unknowingly barred themselves off from any higher and greater truths specific to the better health and well-being of the human spirit that were ever made available.

Think Saul of Tarsus for instance, an incredibly learned man in all the law yet he came to deeper reflection and a complete change of person for the better, coming instead to be known as Paul, an apostle of the prophet Jesus Christ.

This lesson is valuable for any of us desiring to practice methods for improved self and daily living.

Like Aurelius, the ability to quietly self-reflect and honestly take an overview of attitudes or actions that are not doing us any justice can be changed if we apply ourselves intentionally and then willingly accept correction as we notice our path veering off to the side.

Also, to be able to make corrections like Aurelius we need to be aware of what’s going wrong in our lives and with the right roadmap as way of instruction, this is absolutely possible.

For Aurelius he had the philosophies that he reasoned out and chewed on to form improved solutions.

His ‘meditations’ are what help many make changes still, and that’s why we’re here considering it.

Whether Marcus Aurelius felt his personal writings were in some way forming a spiritual connection for him as well remains unknown.

Unlike Saul of Tarsus who later became Paul, who really knows what other pathways the man also considered, but what we do know is he had the inner drive to improve, be better, do better, understand better, and it’s that kind of curiosity and willingness to grow and move forward that all great leaders have in common but what makes any of them truly great is the desire to do, be and understand better the human condition around them as well.

Now the example I have used here of a man in history named Saul was not intended for the making of comparisons between him and Marcus Aurelius because clearly their roles in society differed widely but why I chose Saul is because he was also a well-known figure among the Romans and no doubt was familiar with Roman philosophy and the philosophers who penned it, embracing all that Rome offered in the way of politics and religion.

In this way we might draw similarities between two men who lived centuries ago and well understood the ways and traditions of Roman law.

Now we have come to your own morning writing activity.

We are not looking to start a curated journal entry noting reflections designed to be shared.

We are going to work on a private, honest conversation with the person you are trying to become.

Nobody else needs to read it and that is exactly the point.

*

Cont. reading part five.

Setting a daily intention before rising means asking one question before your feet touch the floor:

Who do I choose to be today?

Not-

What will I accomplish.

That might take some of you by surprise because we are used to it in reverse.

We have for so long gotten to the point of thinking that once we have made it, once we’re more successful and wealthier, only then will we be clear of what we want to accomplish because we’ll have the funds to do it.

Really?

How realistic is that?

There’s an old saying,

“The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.”

This saying no doubt stems from the quietly observant act of neighbors competitively scanning each other’s yards to see who’s is looking better by comparison.

We forget that the person with no grass might be assumed to be depressed and a failure at yard care, when in reality he has built a multi-million-dollar business from the privacy of his home and his focus has been elsewhere.

A fair comparison? Hardly.

But this is true of human nature isn’t it.

What we see and perceive as a reflection of good or bad does not necessarily make it true.

The woman for instance dressed overly casual and who likes to use an old vinal shopping trolley to visit Wallmart looks like she’s not very successful in life, she looks lonely, she looks like she mustn’t have any goals and looks like she probably sits in front of the television all day.

Fact is, she’s a bestselling author of hundreds of thousands of copies of a book on entrepreneurship and how she started with just $100.

As they say,

“It’s good to never and I mean never, judge a book by its cover.”

To begin we want to ask:

*

• Who do I choose to be today?

Not-

• What will I accomplish,

Not-

• What do I have to get through,

But who will I be while the day unfolds?

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One word or sentence out of the above examples is enough.

“Premeditatio Malorum” - Anticipating difficulty as a morning tool.

This reflection refers to an acknowledgement of possible evils and remains one of Stoicisms most misunderstood practices.

This is because when we think about negatives opposed to positives all the time, this can be a bad habit leading to heightened anxiety and depression.

What we choose to focus our minds on does directly influence how we feel, act, think, and behave so why would we want to meditate on hypothetical evils, right?

To the modern ear this does sound like pessimism.

An intentional digging of a dark dungeon just so we can fall into it.

And that’s understandable thinking until we know the exact meaning and execution behind the practice.

Ahh, now we might be onto something.

If we take the weighing up of not only the positives but the negatives and we equally put these into the same boat to work with by simultaneously removing ourselves from the first-person perspective and take on the second person view, now what do we see?

……………………

The ability to do this and certainly master it takes regular practice and requires strong visualization skills.

It also asks for a mind that is set for meditative silence and reflection.

Then, rather then anguishing unnecessarily over hypotheticals which helps no one, we have distinguished what it means to stand aside and envision scenarios ahead of time without actually living through them and being plagued by unsettled emotions.

This is because in this state of mind, the second person view acts like a mere spectator to events.

The events can look, sound or feel stressful but you are in a controlled state of mind where you can pull the plug on the script any time, and can rehearse multiple ways of behaving in response to and if, each scenario should ever take place.

What this practice does when mastered properly and is attempted by individuals of a well state of mind - it is not recommended at all for anyone suffering from forms of mental illness such as anxiety disorder - is it builds mental resilience and problem-solving resolve.

Always about preparation.

When we consider the practice was something the Stoics prided themselves on as part of regular disciplinary actions for daily living without exception, then we must question the importance of application to the mind and body, not just for those before us, but for all of us throughout history up until now.

The Practice.

Mental Rehearsal.

Think about possible scenarios in the day based on what you already normally do, see, know and who you will encounter.

Lingering unrealistic time puzzling over hypotheticals will defeat the purpose so keep it brief like checking of a quick mental list.

Remember:

This is not about creating daunting would-be nightmares!

*

Here’s an example:

By the time any difficulty actually arrives, you will have already met it once.

There was then no ambush of events because of that first consultation you took.

The neuroscience of this is now well established.

Mental rehearsal of difficult scenarios activates the same neural pathways as the actual experiences without huge stress from literally going through it yet.

So, what happens is a building up of something more resilient that takes place before the event.

✅You have psychological resilience

rather than mere-

✅Positive thinking

Calm Anticipation.

This facet of the whole practice is what will ensure it works most effectively or not for you.

The idea of thinking about possible negative scenarios structurally with an intentional calm state of mind means you stay in control.

For instance, when you calmy anticipate difficulty in the morning, your nervous system is less likely to be hijacked by it when it arrives in the afternoon.

This is not ‘worry’ though, that needs to be clear.

Worry is anticipating difficulty without a planned response.

Premeditatio malorum is anticipating difficulty with a philosophical one.

Now granted, not everybody has a philosophical mind-set, and this practice does not ask you to completely overhaul who you are as though philosophy by way of thought structure alone outshines everything else.

It simply works to teach the mind of anybody who wants to apply it for self-improvement, to adjust and be present, along with some tools to equip it to function much better then before.

But it is always a choice.

You must decide for yourself what you will accept in your own life, and I do not assume to know what is of more importance for you or not.

If this practice does not resonate or interest you, then move on to another topic; it’s no issue.

For those who are ready for the five-minute practice to start making a difference in their lives then I am glad to assist in that journey.

Keep in mind that the difference between anxiety and readiness are two separate things and that this practice is made to implement an ongoing state of readiness while remaining calm, to build resilience not resistance.

Cont. reading part four.

So how do we do this?

Consider writing.

Do you like it, love it, or partly okay it?

Are you obsessed with it or live in denial of it?

A lot of you like reading good writing and that also works as a way for good meditative practice in our early morning waking hours.

That’s why the right selection of what you read matters, and more importantly that it is not involving reading anything off the screen of your mobile phone; the distractive presence of one thing leading into another and rapidly on scroll replay to keep you engaged without any incentive for your own productive day.

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👇^{Read the article: “Are You a Void Reader?’ *}

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👇_{See the article: ‘Read a book and Stop Scrolling,’ **}

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If we think about what Marcus Aurelius used to do each morning to make the most of his first five minutes, it was writing.

Why?

This quiet space of time was when he could truly be alone and tune into himself.

And he could do this readily without such things as electronic contraptions like we have now of course, but it didn’t mean he didn’t have much to distract him each day in general.

He chose to make these early minutes work for himself before the day seized his attention with the governance of seventy million people and military campaigns.

He is taken as way of example for how to better your own first five minutes because in comparison with your own life responsibilities, it’s not going to well compare to his, is it, but the discipline that somebody so powerful and in demand could employ shows that if you were to apply the same strategy, how it will naturally be much easier.

And that should feel like an early win.

Modern day therapists will use the method of writing a letter to yourself to help you sort through emotions and clear mental blockages.

But what if you took the practice of writing to yourself as a raw and unfiltered process that could be something deeply personal without the fear of losing your mind in the process?

Place that practice in the early morning hypnopompic window, and what do we have?

An intentional daily action to completely change the outlay of your day ahead.

We don’t want to use this time for strategic thinking or monitoring inner policies of what should or shouldn’t be happening though.

It’s not about carving out a daily path of rigidity for us and others.

Have a day scheduled and a routine in place sure, but don’t allow this to interfere with the sacred first five minutes.

Applying attention to the small window you have is not so it can be wrecked, or you will feel wrecked despite how much planning and scheduling you want to fulfill.

Again, the emphasis is placed on the first five minutes of your waking hours as being not unlike being in a meditative state.

If I mentioned in passing to you that there were some people practicing meditation in the park, what picture does that invoke?

Think about the state of mind those people would need to be in to be able to meditate. Don’t focus on how they appear so much- by what they might be wearing or the state of their hair, this is not the point of what is being said.

We want to think about what it means to have a meditative mind or to act mindfully which is acting with an ongoing awareness of what certain actions will entail for mind and body and others around the self.

So, we take the act of writing for self.

Each morning Aurelius wrote down meditations like an outward expression of the inner dialogue.

He never intended for his collection of philosophical rantings to be shared publicly but of course, as it happens with influential persons like artists or sculptures who indulged in their craft for themselves, after these individuals have passed, their legacy remains and others benefit.

To begin this practice for ourselves, let’s examine a snippet of Aurelius’ journal translated to the English:

“Begin the morning by saying to thyself, I shall meet with the busy body, the ungrateful, arrogant, deceitful, envious, unsocial.’’

Now, this self-talk at first seems less then productive, after all who wants to be around people like that?

But it was an acknowledgement of who was to cross his path, something that was beyond his control, he disliked it, hated it perhaps, but it wasn’t something he could change.

So, he wrote it out rather then fester on the fact,

The very act of doing this actually is considerably therapeutic because it equally involves the efforts of both mind and body to formulate a motion to address the negative aspect of any day ahead with courage, fully equipped with a visualization of what actions ahead of such encounters would be taken.

By anticipating the worst, Aurelius actively prepared his philosophical response.

After doing this, the man rose and met the day.

That’s powerful.

It serves as a productive model.

The manuscript he formed was not the model though, nor was any list of gratitude but it proved to be a genuine philosophical reckoning, and it can be for you too that assists with who you are and who you intend to be.

Those things before the inbox or the school run or the first meeting at work, or appointment for something or someone else.

This before anything demands a single thing from you.

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The practice of setting a daily intention before rising.

I want to be clear that this practice in itself is not about making a list of goals.

Perhaps you are one of those people at this point who has had the thought, ‘ok this must be what it’s getting at, wake up and first thing grab a pen a paper and scrawl down daily reminders or goals.

No, that’s not it.

You can take time for that during the day before but never during your first five-minute window.

What we are aiming for is character intention.

This distinction is everything.

To clarify:

A goal is external and outcome-dependent, right?

A character intention is internal and entirely within your control.

Hence, we join the loop here, going back to the question on how anything intentional can actually be planted inside the five-minute window if none of us are fully conscious yet during it.

Here’s the key.

Knowing the distinction between what is in your control and what’s not, needs to take place first.

This means that during the day when you are consciously in control and you are practicing your character intentions in response to what is likely to realistically occur that day, you are also actively balancing the intention of being an observer against carrying out what you must, which when you are, will take up your focus at that time, so when it is time instead to be silent you are intentionally silent, in order to learn what it is you do and do not like and how your mind and body are responding.

You are taking mental note; you agree to pay more attention to the why’s and why nots with the goal to self-improve and adapt.

You therefore manage what you can control and let go of what you can’t.

Now, all of that might sound overwhelmingly intrinsic if generally you are not deeply philosophical, but you respect the overall ethics of certain philosophical pointers.

But that needn’t disappoint you because like anything worthwhile in life, the things that take concerted effort are the things worth having and are what will remain with you longer then anything else.

You can reasonably accept that unforeseen outcomes can sometimes disrupt otherwise peaceful circumstances.

It happens to all of us.

It is beyond our control, but our reactions are not.

Who you choose to be in response to anything in your life remains always yours. No matter what others are or are not doing around you.

Remember this:

“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength.”

Cont. reading part three.

Related Articles:

*

**

When you wake up in the morning are you one of those people who jump straight out of bed-full of beans, and dive out the door head-first into a 5 am run?

Before you recall your own identity and before your responsibilities and your problems have loaded.

How does that work??

I am talking about the first window that appears immediately upon waking.

This window was recognized as an important one by the Stoics, and they knew it existed much easier then any of us moderners do today because of the digital age of distractions we live in.

The ancients didn’t have the same noise, they had a different quiet that enabled deeper inner reflection and what’s ironic, is that we today long to achieve or certainly reclaim that inner reflective ability and the peace that comes with it.

That tells us a lot about who we fundamentally are human beings.

We were never intended to operate on this earth as masters-of-mass production and competitive speed.

Now it’s all about who gets to the top first, who makes the most money, who’s got the greatest influence and who has the worst…. I mean, the most viral trend-setting attitude.

What the…?

We still want real lives with real deep-seated meaning despite all the plastic faces and so-called happiness roll-a coasters.

Everything we own and do feels like it’s made to break down, nothing is well rooted anymore would you agree?

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A good place to start unravelling this porous existence is to learn about the first five minutes window.

Not that knowing about it and applying it will be the cure-all to every other thing you believe needs attention in your life, but it’s a small action that begins the ball spinning differently, and that’s what I want to focus on with you, small steps that build big results.

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Why the First Five Minutes Are Neurologically Different.

We are now going to examine four areas that will help clarify.

1. The hypnopompic state:

   This is what the first window is called between sleep and fully waking.

2. Unique Receptivity:

   Why the brain is uniquely receptive to intention in this window.

3. Colonization of the Early Window:

   How modern smartphones have colonized this moment and what it costs us.

4. Intuition:

   What the ancients understood intuitively that neuroscience now confirms.

The Hypnopompic State.

Every morning before your eyes open, your brain passes a neurological threshold known as the hypnopompic state.

It’s an interesting name but it refers to the transition that happens when you pass between deep sleep and full wakefulness. This occurrence bought to mind the idea that death is likened to being in a deep sleep, because when we are there, none of know we are.

This window is brief, about two to five minutes only where your brain waves are still running slowly and your prefrontal cortex is not yet fully online - a case of ‘still loading, please wait’ or nowadays, ‘still processing’ or ‘still thinking’, but the information cache is only a quarter full.

During the ‘still loading phase’, the brain is operating predominantly in theta wave activity.

Heard of it?

Sounds funky like some wave formation that happens in crowds at football games, except the theta wave refers to a frequency associated with deep meditation.

When in a state of this kind of meditation, the brain is open to creative insight and hypnotic suggestion meaning that for just those few minutes each morning, your brain is open like a candy store in a way that will not be repeated that same day, until, you enter sleep once more that night.

How’s that for intriguing?

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What’s more, what enters through that little window hugely matters.

You might be wondering how anything that passes through can be controlled when you are not yet running on all four cylinders to start with at that time.

And that’s a good point.

Purposeful thought that might be planted during the hypnopompic state is certainly different then thoughts formed at midday.

Centuries ago, there was no neuroscience to explain this, but it was something that was grasped, the understanding that these two times were not the same for instigating purposeful thought.

So, somebody like Marcus Aurelius for instance didn’t opt to wait until breakfast to set his intention for the day.

He did it the moment consciousness returned.

Unique Receptivity.

Ahh, the prefrontal cortex. The part responsible for rational thought, decision making and self-regulation.

If this area of the brain is damaged or underdeveloped this is why we see persons with learning challenges or difficulty managing simple daily tasks like socializing or determining danger.

The cortex itself takes approximately half an hour to reach full waking capacity after sleep, so during the first five minutes we are talking about, it is operating at reduced capacity, which at first sounds like a disadvantage, but is in fact a profound opportunity.

Without the prefrontal cortex’s usual filtering, critical analysis and habitual thought patterns running at full power, intention set in this window bypasses much of the mental resistance that normally greets new ideas.

A commitment made in the first five minutes, before the day’s anxieties, obligations and distractions have assembled, carries unusual psychological weight which brings us to another point.

When athletes are about to compete, they practice visualization beforehand.

People who love to be mindful and reflective, choose to meditate at dawn and also why the Stoics wrote in the early morning.

Most people though fill the window with a phone screen and when it’s put like that - how depressing in comparison.

Colonization of the Early Window.

Here’s something sobering.

The average person will check their phone within 90 seconds of waking.

Doing that immediately floods the hypnopompic window with notifications, news, social comparison, email anxiety and the priorities of other people.

No wonder there’s more and more complaints about headaches and mental fog along with overall body aches and pains before the sun has even hit people’s faces.

The brain still in its most receptive state, absorbs all of it before a single intention has been set.

And that’s important to highlight so read it again.

The brain still in its most receptive state, absorbs all of it before a single intention has been set.

The cost of this is not merely distraction.

It’s something more fundamental then that.

It is the surrendering of your first conscious moments to an algorithm designed to capture your attention rather then actually serve you your wellbeing.

Unbeknownst to you, you have given away the most neurologically valuable minutes of your day before you have even decided who you intend to be.

Intuition.

It was two thousand years before the first EEG machine measured a theta wave.

This machine measures electrical activity of the brain and is used to help diagnose things like epilepsy and brain and sleep disorders.

Before such devices the Stoics had built a simple morning practice with profound effects that today neuroscience can validate in remarkable detail.

I’m sure the ancients would have been blown away with the technology we have today, just as we feel rejuvenated by techniques that because they were put into practice so long ago, makes it seem like we have in many ways forgotten how to really listen to ourselves and hence we want to grab hold of what feels to be a lost deeper existential truth.

We’ve become so advanced in our day and age that we have literally pushed fundamental truths to who we are off the cart to make way for ‘growth’. But to what end? To the point we have lost connection with not only ourselves but each other?

It’s like uprooting a strong tree and hoping it will continue to live in a bucket of water without the necessary minerals and nutrients.

It looks good, its looks decorative, modern, advanced from not relying on raw ingredients to how we function in mind and body, we have made a change, right?

And that’s the big question here.

How right is something before it’s actually wrong?

Or certainly, how wrong does a right thing have to look based on larger opinion, before we finally cotton on that the change was made out of greed and deliberate ignorance and all we want is the former back again?

The insistence of the Stoics on beginning the day with specific intention prior to conversation, food and any external input maps almost exactly onto what we now understand about the hypnopompic state and prefrontal cortex activation timing.

Cont. with part two by subscribing here:

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First, we need to start with discovering what your personal writing voice is.

Read more

And if you are already a writer and long for good company, then welcome too and along the way, in my articles and guides, you will discover the benefits of applying Stoic pragmatism in various life scenarios.

We mentioned a heartbeat.

Well, what if you feel you have lost yours in your reading?

Is that even possible?

Yes.

Everything we do each day involves vast amounts of data processing by our already tired brains.

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*

We live at a time in history where the pace speeds up too rapidly and each year seems noticeably shorter, like being consistently robbed a bit more of the right change each time at checkout.

Reconciling a heartbeat with learned systems of approach will make all the difference so that when you are confronted with countless methods and ingredients for success near and far, remember this:

• - Pick only those few that actually provide weight to what you are setting out to achieve.

• - Avoid paying endless money out for supposed quick solutions. They don’t exist.

• - Steer away from the easy persuasion that copy and pasting another’s work will fast track your own profile - It won’t and can get you into serious trouble.

• - Know what your own work is - what voice do you relay?

• - Know what your own interests are, what do you have that could benefit others?

• - What work do you presently do? Is it complimenting your goals in some way, perhaps to help you save money to act as an outlay to beginning on your success journey?

• - What are your own goals in supporting your vision?

If you have not started on your own work profile, then that’s a good place to start. Then when you choose what to read it will be time saving for you in that it will work with you along the way.

Being overwhelmed is never a good way to get along so we want to strip back on unnecessary reading, and this can be in forms not readily recognized as overwhelming because we are so accustomed to them such as on computer screens, mobile phones and e-readers, audio books and television screens.

Some avid readers Ivé spoken with often describe the love of keeping physical books on their shelves or visiting their libraries in contrast to this hefty digital stream we all know.

And that’s refreshing in an odd way I think, because of how the modern world now buzz’s constantly on its digital stage.

The physical book reader is somebody who tends to find sensory delight in not just the written word but also in the smell and feel of a book in their hands.

Their eyes dance across pages that may be yellowed at the edges, sometimes moth eaten in tiny corners and there’s this distinct love of the woodiness of such a treasure that may promise secrets and old remedies to modern ailments that nobody today even knew might be a thing.

And that’s where the love is, the heartbeat for such readers, in their unspoken connection and longing of what the physical book entails.

It’s a relationship.

With technology so vastly rich and in our faces whether we want it or not, readers have been promised freedom because of speed.

But how has this promise truly benefited the die-hard reader and loyal advocate of good writing?

The poor reader has been silently and slowly stripped of some deeper connection to writing that feels connected to earth and the spiritual all at once.

They read because they enjoy it, but that raw heartbeat has changed, now it feels more robotic and scheduled.

On this note I cannot emphasize enough how what you as a reader choose to connect with on digital platforms or with e-products is important to your wellbeing - mind and body.

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Our choices daily make up who we will be tomorrow.

How we will react and what perceptions we will form.

When those things occur without intention then we have lost something.

We have come to lack a purpose of action that works to benefit ourselves because we have learned to accept, that intentional thought is governed by what we see, hear and notice only on screens.

Our brains become slacker, more sluggish, our problem-solving skills lag and in turn our example can prove two bolts short of complete when it comes to structure for our children.

So, let’s find your heartbeat again as a reader if you believe after this, that that’s what must have fallen out of your pocket on the way and nobody has bothered to pick it up and return it to you in good faith.

Today I am that person.

I have picked it up and am holding it out to you.

Look after it.

👇

- Free guide below:

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And just about everybody wants to know the best way to attract ears.

It’s a fierce competition of who can scream the loudest.

Thing is, if writing is your passion, then you naturally cannot deny the ink and paper, aka: keys and screen.

Writing happens whether there’s an audience or not.

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Writing happens because your heart is in it and it’s never a chore.

Before platforms like Facebook or Reddit, writers would spend hours absorbed in spirals of fact and fiction, a symbiotic dance that birthed raw, original story telling.

Writers weren’t concerned about whether or not their manuscripts were being built like everyone else’s. Their own story came from a place within them, and no two people are ever exactly alike.

Fast forward and here we are skipping between platforms like rabbits who have lost their burrows.

Always Searching.

A lot of mention about writers experiencing burnout should come as no surprise when the act of writing is caught up in a constant cyclone.

Nobody can keep touch with sanity when they are constantly bombarded with the how-to’s, how-not-to’s, do this, do that, but then not that, but this.

Sigh. Sure.

Why not, when you’ve been handed major sensory overload and a to do list to match.

It leaves the best of us dry in the mouth.

We’re tired before we even begin because everybody has something to keep adding when the thought of capitalizing on it leaks in.

It’s like standing on train tracks and hoping to dodge the train except your information overload is weighing you down.

Here’s The Thing -

Spend time listening to hordes of advice and eventually it pokes and prods a hole in your system.

This happens because it questions your confidence. Or lack of it.

Some of it on Substack looks like this:

1. Write 100-200 words into notes 3-4 times a week.

But then….

2. Write only short snapshot sentences into notes 2 times a week.

And then….

3. Write quick bundles of advice into notes 1-2 times a week.

Oh, and….

4. Use a myriad of various tools - an endless list, to help the algorithm find you, like site builders, automation tools, editing tools, connective tools, advertising tools, email tools, notes tools and all the other volumes of tools to make it work for you.

Writers on Substack’s early launch days will all agree that it was about comradeship, a support system that helped each person congregate and share and discuss as part of a supportive network.

Now if you are just starting out, then expect an encyclopedia of supposed knowledge to help you get started like having a million and one sales catalogues offering products to apparently assist your introduction to success.

Unfortunately, I can speak from experience when I say that this is how it can feel.

Particularly in the beginning.

Once people know you have arrived on Substack the sales pitch is on.

You walk through the front entry way of the Substack store and get inundated by opportunities from salesy-pitch people and how much those with huge subscriber bases want to apparently help you.

If you are anything like me, if you wanted to just browse before committing and you get swamped, then you walk straight back out of the store again.

But if you have a clear idea of what you have come for in the first place and you are left in peace to do your thing and the salesperson is available only when you instigate interaction, fantastic.

And if you have an idea of what you want to build on Substack before entering, then any advice you seek to compliment that initiation works as an asset to your own growth.

I am certain at this point you are here reading this and knowing exactly what I’m talking about.

Modern life is cramped full of swamping ideals.

You have been flooded with so much before now and your inbox is bulging unattractively at the seams.

I hate to have to tell you this but unless you do some serious sifting of what you want and what you actually need, your inbox will keep flooding with streams of stuff that you never want to look at.

Then there’s the boast post that at first drags you in because you want to believe you can also be like the big wigs on Substack.

It keeps you hanging on with the promise of ‘more’ lingering like a carrot on a stick and you know how that works out.

For those of you new writers, this can be likened to being offered luxury accommodation in the brochure but when you arrive, you are thrown a futon and a tent.

So, let’s decide on what you want or hope to achieve through your writing in basic form first, then margin in on what you need to build on it.

Once you have that clear you can start making decisions with intention.

*

Remember that no tree ever sprung up without being a small sapling first.

It doesn’t need to be perfect. Just rough idea.

You can always change it along the way as your writing form develops and navigates you quite often where it wants to go but again, only once you are generally clear of what your writing strategy is.

And that’s the intriguing part.

Writing is an art form. Did you know that?

It takes discipline yes, much like other work does, but it involves more then spontaneous episodes. It requires frameworks and strategies.

Because good writing takes a piece of you, every time, to produce a little magic.

Now when I refer to this aspect of writing I refer to the writer who births the writing to begin with from a deeper place.

Think people like Roald Dahl or Tom Clancy.

These two couldn’t be more at opposite ends of the pencil as far as what they liked to write about, but both wrote from a place of passion - the real fuel of a writer.

When people look to places like Substack, unfortunately some have the idea that all they will need to do is push a few keys to make a sentence or two and others will blindly follow for their next utterance and pay them to utter, at that.

It doesn’t usually work like this.

People have complicated minds and desires and just because you appear one day, will not necessarily sway them to look the next.

You must be a patient sapling.

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Let the seasons come and go as you grow and change bit by bit.

Welcome the rain, and don’t shy away from the heat.

Stay with intent.

Consistently be your own writer at heart.

Eventually, faces will seek the shade of your boughs.

“I Cannot Be Patient…”

That’s how a lot of us feel at times, it’s not unusual so don’t stress.

Until we understand that patience requires discipline, only then can we start to apply it.

*

And we can all learn to have patience if we learn how to become disciplined, so why not take a look at what that area involves.

For some, discipline will seem as easy as sighting the back of your hand.

For others it is a mountain of peril.

And that’s fine too if you are initially of the latter.

You can simply take a deep breath and know that discipline must be learned within individual parameters, because none of us are mirror souls of anybody else.

We learn, perceive, adjust and grow in various ways according to our personalities, our experiences and our concepts of meaning.

So that’s where you will start.

With yourself.

And you will apply lessons of discipline as you can manage it bit by bit that I’m going to provide you at the end of this article in my FREE -

‘Guide to Good Writing Practice’

with every paid subscription.

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Well once upon a time, unbeknownst to me was this enormous NOTES issue that I don’t know how I missed and I want to share it with those who are fairly new here on Substack to save you time.

Thanks to those who have asked I speak about it because it is a hidden pothole.

➡️If you are using a notes scheduler and believe your notes are in order, then be sure to take another look.

Slots that appear to be right might just be letting you down by setting off the NOTES THROTTLER!!

Heard of it? Neither had I.

When you think about its name it sounds unnervingly like some evil from a horror film, but it needn’t be.

And that’s why I am taking the time to let you in hopefully early enough in your own writing journey on Substack.

What it means is a whole lot of your notes might actually be flying away into thin air because the system has deemed them as too much to digest. (burp)

Yes, really.

Perhaps you have been trying to coincide your time slots in your chosen notes scheduler to meet the reading needs of a different time zone to your own and that’s great.

Perhaps you have been aiming for a few too many zones even because readers are requesting better accessibility.

If this sounds like you then you may have doubled on time slots that match two or more audiences without intention.

No, that’s impossible.

Until it happens.

What this does is clog your scheduler and it may eventually end up telling you that certain notes cannot be scheduled leaving you scratching your head. And, I must add, this can happen especially if you have been dancing with your chosen scheduler and a hundred other things simultaneously while trying to meet work deadlines.

You are running on low and it doesn’t occur to you at the end of the day just before you leave to slump at home on the couch.

Just another day at the office, right?

Of course, you may initially read this concerning your scheduler and think, ‘'Oh, that shouldn’t matter, if I’m reaching more people.‘'

And that’s why this whole scenario is super interesting.

In theory this might be true of you, but if it is also not an audience who is interested in what niche you share-say in Egypt-when you share valuable insights for the stock market in Ireland for the Irish……rest on that for a moment…..then you might be working hard but to no avail.

It sounds amusing actually.

And it is in part but only if you catch this slip up early on without wasting countless days sending voice out to limbo.

In laymen’s terms: You may have been waving to a lot of eyes that don’t care.

Heavy Discussions:

There is a lot of discussion and advice provided on Substack about how to make your notes work.

And that’s ok, it’s even greatly helpful if somebody else’s advice works for you too, but at the end of the day, your writing and sharing journey on Substack must be your own.

The idea is not trying to sound like everyone else, after all, who wants repeated regurgitated reads?

Do you?

That’s just messy.

We all have too much of that swirling about our heads as it is and we end up swamped in a case of too many cooks in the kitchen and nobody getting to quietly enjoy pie.

What’s Been Happening:

Ever seen those eating contests of people stuffing themselves sick in an attempt to break a record?

That’s how our age of information can be if we let it.

Those that have eaten their fill and managed to keep the bloat?

Onlookers are left thinking, ‘‘Wow, what a superhuman’'.

Then the purge comes and we all get drowned in…. Content.

When you are just starting out and you keep finding yourself awash in barrels of content of what others have consumed and done, then you can be left with the idea that you also have to do and be the same in order to become ‘superhuman’, or in other words, a successful writer. You dont.

You will have come across streams of thought and encouragement to ‘'Keep going, that the ‘writing-into-the-void’ is bound to end when you are about to give up.

You are told when you feel that way to ignore it. Plough on.

You have to stay the path because somebody in a lonely corner someplace is hanging out for your every word. Is waiting for even your one note out of 500 notes.

Are they?

What if that person can’t actually see you to start with because your words are floating adrift overseas?

What if they can see you but you make no sense in what you write?

What if your lived experience of being a refugee and a ghost writer mean diddly squat to the remote Buddhist community you’ve been swamping who want to embrace simplicity and meditation instead?

What if your solutions, advice or coaching are like yelling at the tigers over the fence at the zoo, and all the caretakers can envision is shutting you up?

That’s why knowing your niche matters and understanding your reader is vital to not only save you precious working time, but so you can get down to what you love doing sooner without the roundabouts.

Once you have established these two components when writing on Substack then you can issue your notes intentionally.

Remember:

One blind person means a whole realm of the blind down the track as well.

Get it right early.

But don’t go thinking mistakes won’t be made. They are already destined as a natural part of life and if you are fairly new onboard the Substack train then do be prepared to accept you will make a lot of mistakes in your first year.

But it also means you can try and avoid some of the mistakes from those of us who have been there and are happy to save you the burden.

What Nobody is Telling You:

I see this all the time:

Writers who have been rewarded with paying subscribers in just six months.

-Amazing.

But that is six months on Substack.

And six months with an audience built over a few years on another platform now imported over if we are speaking of 1000 and up.

You may have missed that fact.

Others, the 12–18-month benchmark, some later then that.

It comes in all shapes and sizes and unfortunately one size does not fit all.

-Even if you are paying hundreds of dollars for advice on top of subscriptions?

You got it, even then.

That’s why the right subscription should cover quality content with anything else to purchase not crammed down readers necks in the process.

Talk about indigestion.

Let’s Get the Chewy Quick Eze Out.

Readers like to choose if and when.

And that’s because advice comes with a limit to how much we can realistically digest in a helpful way.

Not many writers will talk about that fact when they’re trying to sell it.

Advice can be helpful for sure, and a hopeful shortcut to getting ahead yourself, but what is not pointed out so often, is the limiting black line on whatever advice you purchase, particularly when writing online.

Much advice rests on the rise of hope, the promise of more, the vision of a life of comfort. If you are not careful, ‘act now campaigns’ that work on a sense of urgency will keep opening your cash tin for you and before you know it, you’ll be left lying awake restless at night about all the greasy fingers you did not authorize to take from you if you were in your right mind.

I have seen this happen to quite a number of writers who started with wild hopes but were handed burnout and a lone coin circling their tin.

It does not have to happen to you, so don’t let it.

It’s good to keep in mind as you go that advice is helpful yes, but only if it is a right fit for what your end goals are.

And advice has a hidden black line enclosed where you are left to drive your own way out into the deeper part of the woods called experience.

Your lived experience that you have gathered for free is what is most valuable, not somebody else’s version of a dream you should try to squeeze into.

Again, while advice can be seriously helpful and there are some excellent advisors on Substack for one, I recommend that you know yourself, your goals, your budget and what you can realistically offer.

Working above these things will only gravely disappoint because setting the margin incredibly high to begin with then obsessing over what that’s going to look like after you fork out a few thousand dollars to get you there, is like standing on quicksand and hoping to build a tower.

This is not saying do not have big goals. By all means have them. But take the time to work out strategic plans to reach each one, as you go.

Once you reach your first goal and have proof of success then move on to the next.

Only buy products that will help you do that at each stage, not before.

As you move forward and learn from experience, the echoes from advisors heard distantly sounding behind you if you are brave enough to venture on into the unchartered forest of your own journey, remember you will make some mistakes sure, but a gradual approach as you go alone will ensure you gain what you need.

All entrepreneurs are alone at first.

And if that’s the vision you have taken for yourself it’s better to understand its truth.

You must become the navigator of your own path.

Nobody else can do it for you.

We see the scenario all too often of some writers giving up and out when this hard realization finally peaks, but up until that point there remains the constant trickle of advice and encouragement that they are not alone, with emails and guidelines and ideas to enforce, if only they do this or that.

Having a head filled with too much only hinders your journey.

And in the end, some are left feeling stripped of money and time because a dawning always comes. And yes, those that give up, do so out of feeling spent, literally.

The good news is that really doesn’t have to be you as I’ve mentioned.

You do not need to become somebody who was, then was not, based on other people’s pathways.

My advice is simply to find you own.

Do this:

- Connect with real writers who offer value because they actually care.

- Collect what’s needed, not wanted.

- Be realistic in your expectations.

- Learn from the success of others but also keep it true to your own focus.

Keep in mind that most of today’s advice is synthetic guidance generated by A.I which may not have even happened to the writer who claims it as though their own so knowing your own set of cards matters before you play.

Don’t be fooled.

Hundreds of ‘likes’ do not show the real metrics of a writer’s success.

Successful writers have built their own castle and allowed a slow burn; their supporters are mostly invisible to others and are die-hard fans, no need to broadcast, it just is.

When you are just starting out try and keep this in mind.

Time on a writing platform should not cost the earth unless you are recklessly forking it out to other writers selling dreams like candy floss.

Pick and choose who and what you will pay for carefully.

Does it align with your own goal, or have you been pulled and stretched in every which direction so much, that you can no longer remember your first vision and now find yourself stumbling forward after other success stories like you’re possessed?

Don’t fall into that trap because eventually that’s when we see those who decide they, can’t.

Writers who can’t write, can’t think, can’t create anymore.

Oh boy.

But is that really true, the ‘can’t’ or have they simply not learned the act of resilience by way of experience for themselves yet?

I don’t want to now add to the hordes of endless advice out there, particularly when you are looking for some simple suggestions and have your own plan ready to execute.

Did I not talk about that yet?

Well, it’s a fact.

You do need to have an idea of what you want to establish as far as your own writing goes, or you are bound to keep walking the advice treadmill.

Get that part clear before trying to match up any advice with what your end vision is.

That’s important.

Because if you don’t have a clear idea, then you cannot possibly apply the necessary tools or guides effectively to assist you along the way, and I am sure you would prefer to avoid any more endless spending on countless courses and workshops that don’t even fit a nice floor to ceiling bookshelf if we were to convert it all.

These applications only matter when you know first where you are going.

Only then can YOU choose what will be both insightful and helpful.

As we have noted, sometimes mistakes are bound to be made and money wasted, that’s inevitable, but I’m here to cut to the chase, not sell you something you don’t actually need.

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What you will receive with your subscription is practical ideas that you get to choose how you will apply in your daily life for improved self-mastery by way of stoic pragmatism.

What I will emphasis here is one thing that some advisors will mention occasionally as far as the act of it goes when contributing to Substack -

Patience.

But there is more to it then just the act of showing patience.

It is the art of patience.

True patience must be something that you can offer yourself before you can give it to others.

It means more then quietly waiting on the park bench for the Cafe’ to catch up with your lunch order when the line is huge.

That type of patience is the act.

Think about this:

To have the art of being patient, you must learn to take your failings along with the wins as though equally significant.

Xavior Geis

Sound daunting?

It might because nobody likes to fail.

Nobody wants to feel like their hard work is not paying off.

When you see areas where you have got it wrong, then yes, you will be frustrated because the process has taken energy from you and it can leave you feeling cheated, but the opposite is actually true.

You just need to learn to see it.

When things go wrong, instead of throwing your hands up in the air and deciding to sulk and drown yourself in a bourbon on ice or something like it - maybe stuffing yourself with pizza? I don’t know, but whatever your comfort blanket looks like - try not to lose yourself in it and give up entirely.

Things go wrong for absolutely every single one of us.

It’s to be expected.

When that happens for you, how about seeing the let-down as an opportunity to grow?

In this article I have started by talking about Substack notes as way of example because those on board at Substack mostly enjoy the platform and along the way will encounter some frustrations as they learn what works and what does not.

But no matter what platform you contribute to or what magazine you write for or any other space you operate in, the principle is the same.

So, let’s say you have been feeding off every advice from 1000 different writers for months and months and have already spent too much money on resources, what about that?

You’ve searched aimlessly it feels for what that might be.

You feel blindsided.

All the advice under the sun but somehow the smallest thing can be missed…

and that’s where we come back to something like being throttled by the Notes Throttler and why it’s good to be aware of it.

What Endless Advisors say to Keep you Hooked.

‘'Keep going, post 2-3 essays weekly, with 3-5 notes per day, engage, restack, comment, repost, repurpose, email, invite, support, like, etc. etc.

And then:

“Keep posting because of that lonely reader somewhere.”

Well, that might be true.

I mean, it’s possible but it is more likely true that somebody has benefited or enjoyed a mere word or two that you’ve put out into the world only once or twice in maybe two months.

Sound familiar?

If you are not being properly heard, properly appreciated then there could be a good reason for it apart from the normal rhythms of the algorithm.

Until you locate what that is, it’s probably a good idea to avoid spending even more cash on so-called dream solutions.

Hence the example of an easy oversight such as something like an unseen notes backlog on Substack.

It’s a no brainer.

If your notes aren’t reaching anybody then no so-called words of wisdom from the few elites will make an ounce of difference and all your good energy will keep on running down the drain.

Writing on Substack like anywhere else requires a system.

And that takes time to figure out so let yourself take that time, don’t try to force feed yourself and fall down before the threshold arrives.

In conclusion:

If you are serious about your writing and don’t want to simply pussy-foot about hoping somebody might notice you on your platform of choice in a year or two - with a hoorah no less to those that did just that and are now sipping champagne for breakfast; in reality a very miniscule company - then take on the art of patience for yourself and by heck do it your way.

Make mistakes, fall down, get up, travel back, flop forward, whatever is your unique groove then try it out and begin.

Don’t overthink it.

In a nutshell:

1: Avoid spending untold hundreds, even thousands of dollars on every which advice that is made to sell you a dream.

2: Ensure that what you do invest in along your journey is legitimate and will actually help you reach your goal.

3: Be clear on what your own end goal is first.

4: See the larger picture. Somebody else’s success is never going to be exactly yours so don’t waste time trying to buy the idea of what that success should look like.

5: Have a clear idea of what you hope to achieve. Is it simply improved connectivity to make a difference for others through free writing or is it monetary support for professional contributions you could make? What it is will depend on what you can reasonably maintain and actually offer.

6: If your goal is to simply top your salary up a bit then rest on that because success has a nice way of paving itself out sometimes once you have your stones in place and the outcome can be better then expected.

7: Setting reasonable, achievable goals while allowing for slip-ups along the way actually propels success as long as you keep determined to make small improvements each day. This is because you avoid setting too high a margin that unless reached means you fail. This is a mistake.

8: If you are able to write one note a day and just one longer form piece per week then you are doing quite well, so don’t go stressing that you can’t keep up with the volumes of what some writers may indicate is necessary for success on Substack such as 5-7 notes per day and 3-4 long-form posts each week.

This advice is only applicable if you are a seasoned content creator and possibly have others you are partnered with to help navigate your business’s roles but if you are working alone and writing as a hobby then scrap that advice. It doesn’t make sense to try and apply it, so don’t.

Keep it real.

You won’t know how your art of patience will eventually pay off.

Oh, and don’t forget to let your notes scheduler breathe as you go. 🤔

Your audience will breathe more freely too.

Here’s to you,

Xavior.

Image by Canva.

It’s something that you either have, or you don’t.

The craft of writing is always going to be more then just piecing parts of a puzzle together to make up an amazing jigsaw.

It’s always more then just a job.

Like for me when it happened the first time.

I was counselling MYSELF without even being aware of it.

SUDDENLY...

I realized I wasn’t just writing for an audience.

I was writing to ME three months ago!

What the heck?

This is exactly what they don’t tell you about consistent writing:

You’re not just building an audience—you’re building a TIME CAPSULE of wisdom for yourself.

Every chapter is a checkpoint, and every sentence is proof you’ve survived something.

When your own words echo back and hit different weeks later, that isn’t nostalgia, its growth made visible.

And if YOUR past self-needed it, then someone in your audience needs it RIGHT NOW.

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But Here’s the Truth Bomb:

The best writing happens when you stop performing, or going through the paces of some kind of writing structure set out by how others say it should be done.

It really doesn’t matter what dream somebody else is trying to sell you.

If you’re not feeling it and don’t really love what you’re doing it shows.

Writing is never a case of one shirt fits all.

It really isn’t.

The cloth looks good on the model but unless you can pave your own way, nobody can actually tell you exactly how to make it happen.

They can sell you advice, sure, like farming equipment at one of those outdoor machinery expos, expensive to purchase but it looks the part, right?

And it would feel good looking at it sit in your paddock, but without the skills to operate it and farm, its only ever going to be a pipedream.

Your writing is the same.

You want success and so you look to others who seem to be successful.

And there are plenty of writers who will try to capitalize on what they’ve apparently done right.

The thing they don’t tell you is that looking at somebody else’s photo album never makes those same snapshots yours too.

If you try to capture what is somebody else’s journey?

It’s likely to lead to disappointment because your heart is not really in for the work of it, your heart simply sees just the outcome and thinks, yep, I want that beachside stay with aqua cool waters and white sand too.

So, you try everything you can to follow along on somebody else’s footpath.

And that’s a mistake.

When you do this happens:

Your words come through with a silent sort of hollow scream.

And readers can hear it.

But when you start actually processing the fact that when you write, it must come from a place that is real in order to make a real difference, and that you’re not always writing FOR someone you’re writing TOWARD understanding, then that’s the fine line between satisfaction for your own milestones that cannot be put up against anybody else’s.

It means that when you have something to show for your dedication to your work, you have not lost a sense of self or purpose along the way because you never gambled with it to start with.

You think you’re giving advice one moment, but really, you’re discovering what YOU know.

Advice is great when it can be properly utilized.

It means picking your oranges but discarding those that don’t hold the juice.

And that’s where a lot of people struggle because all oranges look basically the same.

To be able to sort through what coincides with your goals and what doesn’t, you must know who you are first.

Let’s take a look at what that entails

👇

Now Available:

‘Guide to Good Writing Practice’ FREE BONUS for paying subscribers.

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You can say it to others, you feel confident.

You feel it in your heart and your child would have told you if something was wrong. But when something happened, out of the blue, you were told it was because you didn’t know of the lie.

That is, the one your child has kept from you so well.

‘‘Bullying can have substantial impacts on victims, perpetrators and witnesses, as well as the broader social environment.”

-ReachOut Australia

Image by Canva.

When you enquire, you can’t seem to get straight answers from anybody, including your child who finally admits they have been trying really hard to hide what was happening because a threat against others they care about was made.

You are left questioning the decision to ever send your child to a physical place of education.

Maybe homeschooling wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

What about the Bully?

No parent usually wants to jump in quickly to consider why a particular bully has acted as they have.

The violence and intimidation these kids are known for causing is simply unacceptable and they don’t deserve a seat in the classroom as far as you’re concerned.

Fact is, acts of rage and violence directed at others to their detriment is never acceptable, but the right for each student to receive an equal level of education is.

And that calls for a very fine line.

It seems sometimes schools get overly focused on the latter and remain determined to provide a learning space of equal opportunity, despite how challenging or dangerous some participants are making it for the student body overall.

In some cases, kids who are bullied even minimally during a condensed time frame, can in turn re-enact similar behaviors if these actions are deemed as part of survival of the fittest.

We need to realize that when our kids attend a ‘learning environment’ this does not automatically mean they become refined examples of structure and respect because the school appears to represent this.

Teachers are trained to teach, to inform, to enlighten and do have immense impact on the students in their care however, basic attitudes toward self and others often reflect home environments before kids even attend school.

If physical abuse, name calling, belittling, stealing and foul language to name a few things, are normalized with parents, siblings and others, it is little wonder these behaviors are carried over into the school yard.

With some kids who come from very problematic home fronts tending to lash out the most.

Other things to be aware of is the learning frustrations and confusion those with ASD, ADHD and ADD have among others, that do impact widely on the ability to process, retain and learn new information.

There’s a sense of being locked in, controlled and constantly monitored at school for kids who struggle with both these areas or just the latter.

A feeling like they can’t breathe and want to break out, like they are misfits and nobody really cares about them. It can breed anger.

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The Schoolyard Bully had Boundaries.

They did.

They had four walls then a bell that ended it.

After that?

That bully has lived in your child’s pocket 24/7.

In their personal space at 2 AM and in their heads with their snide remarks, over and over.

You see a doctor. Seek help. You blame yourself for not knowing.

But you are not to blame.

As a parent it is a huge responsibility to ensure our kids are safe and well cared for to the best of our ability so it’s only natural to feel like you have let your child down, even yourself.

What many don’t see is how the effects of bullying actually claw at entire communities not just the immediate victim.

Like in the case of any violence, the lives of others are always disrupted and will continue to be unless laws dictate what is unacceptable and penalties attached as outcomes.

Some might immediately think of age-related penalties.

Such as a child of 8 being too young to be made to do community service under supervision.

Of course, what levels or penalties will apply would need to be considered carefully, but if kids as young as 8 are smart enough to fixate a strategy to harm others, then no, community service is no puzzle.

With statistics like every “7 in 10 children between the ages of 12-13 as of 2016 having experienced bullying on a weekly basis”, and those figures increasing consistently, the call for greater safeguards and penalties must be instigated. (Stats from LSAC Longitudinal on the studies development of 10,000 young people)

Even now it remains a complex issue that is forcing some parents to begin re-evaluating what learning should look like with these turning to alternatives.

We mentioned the kind of bullying that occurs in secret.

Often with the victim’s compromise in place for fear of being the cause of even greater distress beyond themselves, if they don’t stay quiet.

This kind of bullying is probably the most dangerous in that it can lead victims to self-harm or end their own lives.

The obvious kind is such that perpetrators can be called out on because it’s not always so disguised.

One type seems to revolve around more physical abuse and contact and the distress of that carried by the victim, with others aware of it or witnessing it at some stage, while the latter is purely psychologically threatening.

Like a whispered torment because the bully may also display remarkable manipulative abilities that has everybody around the victim believe the bully is really a nice person, forcing contempt for the victim from those that should be protectors, friends, family or teachers.

This behavior further isolates the victim so that they eventually question their own logic and, in some part, end up providing further fuel to the whole saga without wanting too.

A vicious cycle until something snaps.

Let’s Talk Education.

The idea that good parents do not hold authority over their own children when it comes to their safety and the right to be informed in ensuring that safety is ludicrous.

Parents always have a right to know exactly what their children are learning about, from whom and where unless the parents are deemed unfit themselves by the state.

If we continue to see these waves of secrecy rise higher and higher invading the foresight of parents from their children, and they are not protected or provided options to assist where needed, then the problem is not going to go away, it’ll only get worse.

Parents are undermined and considered to not have a right to choose what their child learns about or participates in, nor have any say in the manipulation of what apparently is a now a child’s right, such as choosing to identify as anything other then what nature intended.

When did we become so enlightened by this new concept, surrounding various options that we might like to blend ourselves into?

As adults, people that want to legally choose to identify as this or that, assuming it is based on being properly informed about what it actually means long-term, and the law permits it, then that’s their cup of tea, but for kids under 18?

What else are kids under 18 generally restricted from doing, or has the system decided it wants to identify as a complete shipwreck altogether?

Kids are so mucked up, so utterly confused, so angry and disillusioned that we see the increased levels of bullying everywhere. It’s a bitter concoction.

And such options as intricate as personal identity which none of the general population really know about until they are at least 35 or more, along with sexuality and self-worth, are presented as something our children should be taught and are then taught how to be.

It begs the question:

If these other so-called candies at the candy store were not introduced would our kids be mature enough to even know what it means to decide what gender, what animal or anything else they want to be, then just themselves? Or, how to engage in activities not fit for children? Why does this need to be taught?

Talk about mind-boggling.

Why do we need to push adult concepts on kids to ensure confusion flourishes?

Parents Stripped of Authority.

Here is a small exercise to help parents refocus:

Say it: “I have authority here.”

Feel it: That protective urgency rising in your chest.

Know it: You don’t need permission to protect your own.

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The megaphone never stops amplifying.

But your voice?

Your authority?

That doesn’t need amplification. Remember that.

It just needs to be used well.

Not with aggression or threats but resolve to focus just on your own part despite what others are doing.

- Stay respectful, agree to disagree if needed.

- Stop. Count to 10.

-Say it. Hear it.

-Feel it. Acknowledge it.

-Know it’s not weakness but strength.

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In a Bully’s World to Fight gets Celebrated.

Flight on the other hand gets misunderstood.

But freeze?

Freeze gets called paralysis. Gets called, giving up.

Victims of bullying can be of all ages, starting at school and if not nipped in the bud early, the bully’s keep on keeping on while those effected suffer long after the event.

You perhaps recall now your own experiences.

And, if applicable, you think you’ve always been broken and that’s why you still don’t know what to do whenever you are bullied.

But your nervous system isn’t broken when it freezes.

It’s doing exactly what it evolved to do when fighting and running both feel impossible.

Try This:

-Say it: “I froze, and I’m still here.”

-Feel it: The fact that you’re reading this means you survived what made you freeze.

-Know it: Real strength isn’t the absence of freezing.

Real strength is the fact you’re still standing after the storm passed.

The rose doesn’t apologize for its thorns.

Neither should you.

If you have been a Bully.

You messed up.

-Say it.

-Feel it.

-Know what it confirms.

Not that you’re broken.

Not that you should quit.

Not that you’re behind some imaginary timeline sold to you in a commercial.

It confirms you’re human and humans get it so wrong sometimes, but it is the willingness to not only say you will change in order to keep some kind of control over harming others, no.

It means taking fair and certain action, like seeking outside professional help that allows change for the better.

Mistakes aren’t evidence of overall failure as a person.

They’re evidence of existence.

Of trying.

Of being here to mess up in the first place, BUT we don’t want to mistake the action of bullying others as just a simple mistake or misunderstanding.

It’s not.

Bullying is an Intentional Act that takes Premeditated Thought.

-Say it: “I failed myself and others and I’m going to make serious changes to how I behave”

-Feel it: That relief when you stop pretending perfection is what everybody wants around you.

They don’t.

They want respect, so learn about what it means.

-Know it: The goal is not to avoid mistakes in general, they happen, but it is to get yourself help so you no longer cause pain and hurt deliberately.

By Example.

Cyberbullying has definitely made the act of bullying extensive.

The use of technology has fast-tracked the issue to frightening new levels.

To some the recent ban on social media accounts for users below a certain age has been a welcomed decision and with distress peaks rising higher consistently then it would be wise for all institutions to take a leaf out of Denmark’s book when it made a study of empathy mandatory for all students in 1993 ages 6 - 16 on a weekly basis and has continued with it since.

Results?

Denmark is understood to be one of the happiest places on earth.

Do you see yourself as an integral part of life?

Of the greater universe?

Just somebody’s neighbor?

Maybe you view yourself through the lens of the eyes of others.

Take those lenses away and what do you see?

We are literally inundated by what we should be and should look like that you have to ask at what point in the line did we stop seeing ourselves as individuals with distinct preferences, interests and enjoyments?

At what point did we become slaves to commercialism and societal bleed norms?

All that we are though, was never meant to be weighed up by the mere perceptions of others, nor was it intended to be something to fashion after a pre-molded version of self-entitlement.

No child arrives into this world expecting mothers’ milk on a silver tray with finger biscuits to the side and a butler to sponge them over.

Everything is learned as we each go along by those who came before us and hold the greatest influence. That doesn’t make what we learn, right.

Of course, how others perceive you does matter, but only to a point.

We are creatures made for engagement and connections.

We operate better in communities where there’s reasonable and fair governance and we each feel satisfied that we are a contributing factor to the greater whole.

When we speak of perceptions in this context however, they are hardly the same as the projective work many learn to frill out and hide behind.

We seek here instead the hidden self.

The authentic.

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You can’t say what the scenery is like along the way.

It’s all just a blur whenever you try to look out the window.

Even if you did know whether it was rocky, tree-filled or mountainous, you wouldn’t have found time to think about it.

Day after day it’s like this as you juggle relationships, work, home duties, elderly parents - and anxiety.

You get up at 6am and run well into the late night, or you’re a student under pressure to achieve, study and succeed.

What if I told you that the line between success and failure is very fine?

Why is it then that successful people seem to sail along smoothly while others fail?

Firstly, it doesn’t always have anything to do with a lack of hard work.

Failure and success both can mean the individual behind the outcome has worked just as hard.

They have been dedicated, planned, set goals but reaped opposite results to what expected.

Why?

Productivity.

Successful people are more productive.

There is a distinction between volumes of hard work and actual productivity.

That’s important to understand.

In today’s world of needing to look, act, sound, and be, a certain way, this stereotype can cloud the lens and bog a person down.

Challenges are viewed as problems and left unchecked, those ‘problems can become all encompassing.

When we habitually turn our focus away from our goals and spend energy wading through problems like trying to push through slimy reed-encrusted swamp waters, we don’t get to move forward productively.

It might feel like we’re making small gains as we inch along, but the fact is, that’s just our energy expenditure logging itself on the books.

We are simply aware of the mark in, but the outcome column remains at $0.00.

This does not mean successful people get off scot-free, enjoying a blissful sanctuary of smooth waters constantly.

No way.

It means that successful people don’t waste unnecessary time on problem street.

They assess any issue as these arise, look at options to address it efficiently and execute.

Time is not wasted on how the challenge makes them feel, their time instead is spent focused on what should now happen despite how they feel.

Huge difference.

You might read this and be left questioning how such a thing is possible when all you have ever done is be painfully aware of setbacks and every injustice you’ve ever experienced or perhaps have perceived, you have experienced.

And that’s the thing.

The mind set for successful growth must be altered to the correct setting.

How to Do It.

Below I’m going to share with you a guide absolutely FREE with a paid monthly subscription to ORB X NEWS/ Newsletter.

For effective results as you pave your way closer to your goals be sure to get the guide now FREE:

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At a certain age there’s something that comes flooding back.

Your brain becomes awash with memories from when you were a teenager into your early twenties.

Surges of playbacks like looking at old slides - not the rusty metal ones in playgrounds either, albeit these may end up being in some recollections; the neat white square-framed ones containing photograph negatives. Yes, those.

They randomly come falling back out of the spare cupboard demanding review when you least expect.

What is Happening?

A common experience when people hit the 40 - 50 age mark is known as the ‘Reminiscence Bump.’

Whatever first-time experiences there were - first love, job, home, between ages 15 - 25 get stored away as files, then when review date arrives, 30 or so years later they get poured out onto the middle of a conference table.

For some this may be overwhelming, particularly if some past files are moth chewed, unsightly records to us that should be binned.

Why is it Happening?

Around age 50 there can be a lot of significant life changes occurring.

See if any tick the boxes for you below:

• Career shift.

• Taking stock of life goals.

• Children leaving the nest.

• Moving from the family home into something smaller.

• Illnesses.

• Loss of aged parents.

Any of these things can trigger nostalgia.

Benefits:

When the memories start surfacing it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in mayhem.

There’s a term for this, ‘Midlife Crisis’.

The word crisis is a strong word to use when describing what the brain is working out for itself.

It has found a time when it feels safe enough to relax and reflect, not exactly a crisis per se’, but sometimes what is dragged up makes us feel it could be.

By the brain doing this it also is able to measure how far you’ve come.

A bit like doing stock take after open hours at a department store, except instead of every year, the brain does it only when its stock buildup is significant.

Then the rewards in bulk should be enough to propel you forward, hopefully as a refined version of what you were and of what you will become.

Those Unsightly Files?

These you’d rather leave behind.

The thing is you can’t, because even the negatives make up why and how you have landed where you have in life. To have adequate momentum propelling forward these must be addressed to reduce lag.

When we understand what is going on, anything that could be overwhelming is put into a contained place while we then think about how those files will be addressed.

If the negative files are of traumatic experiences, then journaling them down whenever they reappear can be a good way at proactively assisting your own brains filing system to work efficiently, opposed to it hypothetically collapsing in the office reception because your inbox is overflowing.

There’s no Stopwatch.

How you deal with it and by what means is specific to you.

Nobody else can rightly suggest when they suppose they think your work ought to be over.

So don’t let them.

Respectfully remind the other person that you are dealing with a new procedure, and you need time. Then allow yourself to take it.

This could look like:

• Better prioritization of tasks:

Appointments, work, study, family and self, etc.

Each requires its own time slot, and each will need reshuffling, or time allowance adjustment, e.g.

1. Tues pm - Free for self to rest, reflect and recover.

2. Wed am - No direct phone calls / study hour.

3. Thurs pm - Family.

Your specific schedule will likely include hourly takes and varied days.

Unknown Contributors.

Other things like certain smells or songs can be triggers for the memories, including visiting old places.

All things that switch the green flashing sign on, open for business.

There’s no escaping it, even if and when you want to.

The only thing you can do is go with it.

Further Benefits.

Despite some difficult memories, if these are acknowledged then you can begin resolving them.

Often, it’s the emotions these re-introduce that can make some people want to avoid them but keep in mind that emotions are only a response. And we want to work on the cause.

By shifting your focus from:

How I feel.

to

What is the Cause?

-

You are in effect taking back the control you didn’t have in the past.

Now you are coming in from a builder’s mindset and moving away from being just an onlooker caught in the dust.

Mood Regulation.

From time to time, we all experience flashbacks with much of the past hugely forgotten. Well, that’s how it seems, until we are presented with our very own encyclopedia at Reminiscence Bump time with our reading schedule locked in without consent.

Great. So, let’s work with it. Even do some long-awaited renovations.

Revisiting can also allow us to go back to pleasant scenes that ease feelings of loneliness and help manage stress in the now.

Thinking about this fact can help alleviate any overwhelm from the more negative memories.

It also allows us to more readily pull the positive recollection back up again at will because it’s resurfacing has left it lingering on the surface.

Nostalgia tends to peak through whenever we experience periods of transition in our lives.

The type of nostalgic reflections will differ though depending on how old we are at the time. The older we are the more we have stored in our memory bank with significant occasions and events getting stored in the subconscious, hence the belief that what has happened is largely forgotten.

Instead, it’s just about where the file is stored.

Significantly helpful files are contained in the back room, others that could assist further growth now look to be stored in the middle room, while others that can be connected to the most recent patterns of life experience will stay up front while related topics are in use.

There’s literally a constant reshuffle, a standard level of bookkeeping to ensure the company stays running. The memories stored in the very back room, again, are priority files.

These are mostly foundational blueprints crafted from the early blocks provided us.

If our supply of blocks was lacking, then our building work suffered, but we made what we could with what we had anyway.

At around age 50 it is the time those deep files come out, although this time you are sorting them on the table from an adult’s perspective.

That is why this is the time many people relate having a flood of memories from their earlier years. Only now can you reflect with the right lens.

Any earlier and it would be an immature version of yourself trying to sort immature files. That’s an ineffective formula for business.

At the 40 - 50 + age range you are now a product better suited for employment.

You get the job.

There’s good days and bad.

Both are a natural process in order for you to learn and grow further, expand your neural network and see improved success. None of which can happen if you are not ready.

How is the Influx Positive?

• Self-Continuity:

  Correcting who you are now with who you were then.

• Increased Well-Being:

  Self-esteem boost and improved sense of social connection.

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Important:

If any memories during your time of reminiscence are bumping you up the wrong way - causing significant upset, then it is always a good idea to seek out professional medical advice.

Here’s to your every success,

Xavior.

Recurring dreams can also represent an emotional distancing in a relationship.

Perhaps from long-term illness, the loss of a loved one in death, moving house or natural disasters.

Other Areas.

• Unprocessed Emotions.

• Deep-Seated Fears.

• Emotional Imbalance.

The dream of an affair acts as a warning signal that something in yourself needs to be addressed before it severely impacts your waking hours.

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Would you say you’re a good dreamer?

If you answered yes, then I hope the image is not one of you in front of a mirror flicking your hair about like Fabio or Madame Kadivar because that’s not how I mean.

What I’m referring to is you, in bed of a night with the intent to slumber.

Perhaps as you drift off you keep jolting awake from restless arm and leg syndrome or your own noisy sudden jut-of-breath, poofing out through closed lips in a ‘Pfff’ sound.

Enough to make your eyes open and remind you of the evasion of sleep, for the umpteenth time.

We crave sleep if we haven’t had it, or not nearly enough of it.

We crave it to escape, to refresh, to quieten the central nervous system and to repair.

Without it we don’t function properly.

Think zombies shaking about.

- yeah, like that.

Sleep deprived people are indeed like the walking dead.

Have you ever walked dead before?

Then you know and so do those who were around you on the day.

Scary stuff.

Then there’s the long-time sleep addicts who can’t shake the craze no matter what they’ve tried with the insatiable necessity to get shut eye due to medications, depression, chronic fatigue, sensory overload, the list goes on.

And for such persons, they must seek the right professional help or keep dying already dead.

That’s exactly how it feels for them.

All you need to do is ask them about it or perhaps you already know because you suffer from it yourself.

Let’s take a peek at why not getting decent sleep, the kind with a healthy dose of dreaming, is so dangerous.

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Deprivation.

A track history of sleep deficiency literally forces the body to run on cortisol.

This is a stress hormone that is released in response to perceived threats whenever and whatever these may be at the time.

It is meant to subside once the stressor has passed.

In the case of constant stress, instead of this, cortisol continues to produce and accumulate in a demonized snowball.

This is the part where you can add red eyes to the image it if you want.

The snowball of cortisol becomes so large over time that other bodily systems are smashed out the way and shattered as the ball ploughs through.

Horrific.

What Gets Punished.

• Heart

• Liver

• Stomach

• Thyroid

• Kidneys

• Pancreas

And if the infrastructure is compromised and the threat not contained, we have a pending total collapse.

It pays to recognize the signs of these organs starting to falter.

See below.

Each of these bullet areas can be requested for testing at your next general check-up with your G.P.

Cardiovascular Disease from:

-High blood pressure.

-High Cholesterol.

-Higher risk of heart attack or stroke.

Alzheimer’s Disease from:

-Permanent brain damage.

Suicidal Ideation from:

-Depressive Illness.

-Anxiety Disorders.

-Hallucinations.

-Delusions.

-Psychosis.

Metabolic Disorders from:

-High blood sugar levels / insulin regulation disruption.

-3 x the risk of developing type 2 diabetes.

Weight Gain & Obesity from:

-Increased hunger hormone - ghrelin.

-Reduced fullness hormone - leptin.

-50% higher risk of turning ‘Telly-Tubby’

Weakened Immunity from:

-Fewer infection fighting antibodies.

-3 x more likely to catch whatever cold or flu is lurking about.

Hormonal Imbalance from:

-Lower testosterone levels / estrogen.

-Reduced thyroid function.

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The above list is not provided to tell you what you already know if these are issues you’ve been struggling with.

I share it to shed extra light on what could very well be the root cause, IF, sleep deprivation has not been taken into account when you’ve seen your doctor before.

But there is something to keep in mind if you find this helpful and before you visit your doctor:

The all-too-common thing is people heading off to see their treating specialists for what’s on the list and these issues in themselves treated as though they are the core issues to your lack of sleep.

They’re not.

They are symptoms, or off shoots of the main hum-drum.

That’s why when somebody ever has a serious long-term issue with sleep, they often forget to mention it, because though it is a problem, sufferers also have gotten to point sometimes of being just to fatigued to keep stressing over the lack of sleep to begin with, there are no answers so they learn to live with it and function as best they can on the little fuel their engines have.

Then, when another serious medical issue pops up like diabetes let’s say, then it’s treated as though the diabetes is the main problem to why you would have disrupted sleep.

What’s maybe overlooked are the years of lead-up involving a diet heavily concentrated in high fats and sugars in an attempt to help with low energy

- the brains cravings for stimulation to help it function from a fatigued state -

when if some research could be undertaken to the earliest point of sleep deprivation in the person’s life, a different pattern might emerge with areas that required attention ignored during those plateauing years, and bodily functions that became sluggish at that time.

So, while true, that diseases associated with long-term lack of sleep in themselves actively contribute to the issue, they often have not been the singular cause to begin with in all cases.

But here’s where it’s challenging.

Realizing this after these health issues have set in is too late a preventative call.

Now we must move on to body maintenance while learning to live with these symptoms, and that realization can feel daunting because nobody told you sooner or you didn’t know what was going on early enough to seek a medical consultation over it.

That’s why getting onto any small inkling that something doesn’t feel quite right in your body asap is the cue to always make a call to your G.P.

Don’t wait.

You can now try to improve your sleep by doing everything necessary but if high cholesterol or hormonal imbalance is already a pressing challenge and has been for a long time, then yes, these areas will be treated first to try to get them into a more manageable place.

But just manageable is not enough if you value your time on this earth, is it?

You want your diabetes or your obesity to disappear.

That’s why a huge overhaul is required involving more then exercise and medications applied like band-aids to manage a wound.

Having said this, those who for many years are morbidly obese or have a dangerous diabetes type, or anything else deemed life threatening - to have the illness completely disappear is unlikely at very late stages, but an improved quality of life can be attained by following medical directives on what medications, exercises etc. would be beneficial.

The root cause must be addressed.

If you are however still in the early awareness of your ailments then alternate forms of healthcare and treatments hold high appeal to many, but what you choose will ultimately be your own choice and if any natural medicines will be involved, it is always important to find out if these can safely be taken with whatever synthetic medications you are already on so always run these past your treating doctor.

How Do I know All This?

Some years ago, I worked with a Naturopath, Chiropractor and Iridologist.

Additionally, conversations over the years with our on-board Reiki practitioner proved insightful.

Leading up to this my family history is one of natural medicine and kinesiology, opera singing, music and the arts.

But I am also a student of philosophy, psychology and a life-long writer and author.

My interests in becoming a practitioner for natural healing however - though I did learn kinesiology and was able to help others by it - was never passion-driven like writing is - so I have been birthed an all sort-special, providing a different form of giving to others.

My direct advice to you, hence, is to always seek any medical help from your own treating specialist or local doctor.

Any suggestions to help you form a list for possible discussion with these medical professionals is all it is. A suggestion, and I do not claim to in any way be an accredited healer or advisor.

If you are able to seek the correct help from a better-informed place from reading thought-provoking material like this, then that’s great because it means I’ve reached my goal in being able to write and help you by way of it. *

If you are enjoying what you read and would like to benefit from my other writings on applications of Stoic wisdom in our modern life plus special guides and challenges, then please click the Subscribe button below.

Why Do We Dream?

Scientists believe that by way of the brain dreaming, memories and emotional processing are consolidated.

This work takes place during REM or ‘Rapid Eye Movement’

During this stage of sleep our incredible brain literally goes into simulation mode, not unlike what A.I does to entertain us during our waking hours, for those signed up to personal digital companion bots.

Inside these brain simulations are real life scenarios, some that actually happened or those that are either amusingly or nightmarishly tweaked.

When we wake, we may recall the images that provoke various emotions for us. What we don’t see is the mechanics behind those images.

For instance:

You are left wondering why were you suddenly flying when the collision on the road happened in your dream?

You awoke feeling horror, sadness and panic because of what you saw.

But your brain not only attempted to address the stress factor, it told you something else.

‘You will or have been able to rise above the stress.’

So, when we dream it’s like having the night-shift workers clock in to clean.

Things are put back in place, rubbish thrown out and results are recognized, either right away or through repeated references to what will be as we heal or clean an area.

Of course, not all dreams feel negative afterwards and I emphasize feel, because the reality can be far different to what you perceive it as.

The negative feeling can be likened to when we undergo a liver cleanse.

We don’t feel like jumping for joy when the cleanse starts to kick in.

We feel ill or flat.

Such are the emotions after some dreams.

Because of the repair work; the cleanse.

The positive feeling after some dreams on the other hand, references progressive healing and transformation.

Areas of Note:

When we are dreaming the following is underway.

• Transference of memories from short-term to long-term.

• Connection of the now with our past to help route the way for an improved future.

• Processing emotions by revisiting challenging experiences in a safe, simulated environment.

• Clearance of irrelevant clutter.

• Fostering creativity through cognitive function and problem solving.

And This:

REM sleep is when our most vivid dreams evolve but they can also occur during other sleep stages too.

The thing with the REM stage is that our brain activity during it is nearly as much as when we are awake!

And very active dreamers can engage in sleepwalking.

Think gaming headset with active simulation in motion - waking hour dreams.

Clearly the proof was in the pudding for the designers behind such contraptions.

A ‘let’s watch the crash and fall’ in real time and put dreaming into reverse.

Oh crap.

John just broke a leg on the coffee table and now he’s left questioning when he gets to wake up.

For crying out loud.

*

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Disclaimer:

*

The author in no way supposes to be in a position to diagnose and treat medical ailments. Information in this article is intended as friendly advice only, not medical direction. Engaging with this article is done so with the acknowledgement that simple ideas herein may assist some people with understanding what could be going on for them and make it easier to know what to ask doctors about. What directions an actual doctor provides individuals should always be followed and persons will be liable for their own decisions.

**

No part of this article or articles will in any way be copied, repurposed, sold or plagiarized in any form without express permission by the author.

If you however are finding your persistent dreams distressing, then some outside professional assistance might be a good call.

One thing to try and avoid meanwhile, is looking at your partner with waking-hour suspicious eyes if your night has been swamped with scenes of their apparent infidelity.

Refer a friend

That can be really difficult depending on the severity of any trauma you’ve experienced which the dream has triggered, but remember, blaming an innocent partner for what they perhaps have really not done, will only start to erode an otherwise healthy relationship with a good person.

Hence the emphasis in this 4-part article series on self-ownership of actions.

The sooner you realize that these deeper entrenched behaviors do not describe who you really are and your actual worth, the sooner you can take responsibility actions that foster respect and deepen connections.

One of the best things you can do if you are in the throws of the blaming game trajectory is stop, step back, gather yourself and choose a good time for both you and your partner to talk openly.

Try This:

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Sorting Foundations.

Often what we dream of when we’re asleep can be directly linked or rooted in deeper psychological factors.

Dreams are representations, not realities.

I know there are some who will disagree with that statement. And that’s ok.

Each person must travel their own path.

But here we are discussing some additional factors to whatever you feel is your truth.

Factors that can help better proportion dreams or certainly prime thinking during waking hours that could indirectly be influencing how you perceive and respond to your life partner.

Ok, now we’re talking.

To analyze the data effectively an open mind will be required.

Projection.

The act of projecting internal parts of ourselves onto others can make us feel better but only superficially. And often we don’t even know it’s what we are doing.

It’s a subtle and manipulative form of ‘the blame game.’

When we come under pressure or scrutiny for something that’s gone wrong, it takes courage to own being the cause of it because of the ripple effect of whatever the problem has been.

We look to protect our own integrity first and throwing the ball into somebody else’s court beckons a form of relief.

But is it?

If we are generally mindful then there’s always guilt that follows so as much as possible, we want to avoid passing the ball.

Keep in Mind:

• Be Mindful of Your Actions.

• Make Deliberate fair decisions that benefit not only yourself but others too.

• Be ready to apologize, but also prepared to respectfully address how the other persons behavior has impacted you

• Avoid Accusations, even if you do have a case in cause, it will only start arguments or fuel those still simmering.

TIP -

If there is any ounce of blame still lingering in your heart, do not approach the other person until you are able to do so calmly.

All you have to do is just try to see the part that you have played despite what others did or did not do.

And that’s not going to be easy, but it will be honest.

See it and then apply the same behavior to yourself in your mind’s eye as though it is you, listening to yourself in place of your partner.

If you hurled abuse - even if it was in response to another’s abuse - all you need to do now, once you have cooled off might I add, is actively own that ‘you hurled abuse.’

That’s it.

For this exercise the aim is to zoom in on actions only, not the why’s or what for’s.

Why?

Because these are secondary.

Valid yes, but second on the working list.

Right now, you might be thinking that you have never looked at things like this before. And that’s ok.

Many of us don’t because we have never learned to.

We have been conditioned entirely differently. And now we are calling it out.

Let’s About Turn.

In our waking hours everything we process by way of sight, touch, smell and hearing is recorded by the subconscious and connected to an event.

These countless moments each day accumulate to form memories. Good and bad. Then depending on our foundational conditioning as kids and the interconnected scenarios thereafter, we as a ‘self’ become defined.

If there is anything that doesn’t resonate as healthy to your mind and body, despite it being memorialized by parents and habitual in adult life, our system knows this.

It responds by signaling an uncomfortable deep awareness that what is off is bad.

We respond to how consistent that signal is.

If it plays frequently, we perceive this to be our personal truth.

e.g.: We as a person are bad, unlovable or worthless.

Unless the apparent truth is questioned then it will always spiral out of control.

Tapping In.

Realizing that this perception is incorrect can be emotionally groundbreaking.

What it means is although at the outset it feels like you’re lying to yourself by calling the perception out, it is also acknowledging that a ‘perception’ or a ‘projection’ built off our experiences, remains only that.

These things do not describe fact.

To clarify. What somebody has experienced is real to that person. It is valid as a lived experience. But how the event is interpreted might actually be different from what actually happened.

How?

Because the thing that took place was an outcome.

The emotional response to that outcome will categorize it into various forms dependent on each person’s unique makeup.

This is why you can have a group of strangers who have gone through the same event but only one becomes a teacher, another a student of further matters associated, another convinced they can never do anything right and somebody else turning to crime, suicide or overeating for example.

In no way however do individual outcomes suggest that what is bad or improper has been over exaggerated by those who have suffered in more dire ways based on their own response code.

But what it does show is the differences in people with response patterns that potentially will shut them down, or emotionally disable them in some way, that provided the proper coaching, could also climb out and above the trauma like others have done.

Realistically, this is not stating that events can just be cleared entirely like a wiped memory stick, because as we’ve noted, the brain remembers.

Yet the memories need not be locked in without room for growth and the power of replacement patterns. In fact, the brain is wired for flexibility and is ever evolving based on what we choose to feed it.

Who said that misfitting jigsaw pieces all slap-hazardously and crammed together to try and make a picture can’t be rearranged?

So, let’s make the picture more right.

And that’s where the one-on-one assistance with a cognitive therapist can be invaluable for those that choose to try this.

Hold Onto This:

• It is never a sign of weakness to seek the proper help.

• It takes courage.

Back to Dreams.

When we have a lot of unresolved areas in life that need to be repositioned to improve our jigsaw puzzle, the brain will continue to create image formations that represent our awkward, mismatched pieces. *

Refer a friend

Breaking Down the Third Wheel.

So far, we have discussed some nitty-gritty things but what about the whole dreaming of one’s partner cheating?

What we have discussed is some necessary groundwork to better understanding of what such a dream, particularly if it persists, is all about.

To understand the dream, you must understand yourself.

Too, the groundwork has been prepared to assist you in not just finding a band-aid solution. It gets down to the underlay.

I know you want that. That’s why you’re here.

As you may have guessed, inside a dream about your partner cheating, you are the third wheel.

Its uncomfortable, painful, awkward and hated.

It effects how you feel all day.

And for those who have lived with such an ongoing dream it no doubt has caused immense havoc, because after a while, it feels like a truth and with that feeling your response is not a kind one.

Nobody who cherishes their relationship would tell you any differently.

That’s why we are now going to grab that third wheel and take a look at its annoying spokes. They really have been getting in the way right, pretending to describe you?

Dreaming of your partners affair either based on it really having happened in the past to it hypothetically manifesting, can indicate that someone or something is in fact coming in between you both BUT,

Hold your horses.

This does not mean it as you necessarily imagine.

It’s important to get a grip on any strong emotions here because if your thinking is wrong, you may regret the path it will take you down. So be careful.

You love your partner and the fear of losing them is strong, hence your emotions, and hence the groundwork.

Consider the Following:

Areas that need attention in order to weigh up the facts and discover what your brain is saying by way of its nightly cleaning:

• Work.

• New Hobby.

• New Baby.

• Friends.

• Other

The dream shows that your brain is aware of some shift in your life and will communicate the deeper perception of that change based on your lived experiences and its memories.

And the brain likes to use the strongest message-image it has if it remembers you reacting with the strongest response to that image, equaling a call to action.

So do take a think.

1. Have you started a new job, has your spouse?

2. Has there been a sudden reduction in hours making it hard to pay the rent/mortgage?

3. Has a new baby come into your life greatly reducing the time your partner has for you?

It could be anything.

That call might not be an emergency call though; it might be a call for acknowledgement of the shift to allow mental space for growth moving forward.

Too, if there are past memories of a disloyalty of some kind, even as a child, then again, the call keeps re-surfacing for rectification to allow room for the adaptive measures so far that the brain has been working hard to reinforce.

-Damn that’s some power factory right there. Thanking you squishy grey.

If the dream feels emotionless and matter of fact, everybody in the dream open about it, then this is a sign you are addressing a new angle practically.

On the other hand, if you experience ongoing deep upset and your partner in the dream tries to hide the affair, don’t make the mistake of believing it is a sure sign of infidelity.

It’s not.

A dream like this can be based on long-term patterns of insecurity and low self-esteem issues; trust issues in general no matter your partner and is a definite sign you have past trauma that is not fully healed.

Do you see the importance of knowing yourself a little better?

Not to make an excuse for any wrong behaviors directed toward you, but to empower you to understand what it positively is, YOU bring to the relationship.

Remember, it’s all too easy to have a list of what our partners should be and do, but don’t forget there is always two lists. One from each side.

Two lists of boxes waiting for checkmarks that neither of you can ever completely fulfill. Not for want of trying, or want of interest or devotion or loyalty, it just is not possible because none of us are perfect specimens. None of us have the tools.

It allows for the needed space to grow and change beside one another, while united with one another simultaneously without the threat of divorce looming like a harpy eagle, because we each can learn properly if we allow the process and are dedicated to it, to become better versions of ourselves and for each other.

And that is, what love is.

It’s the principal of it, not the rosy emotion and self-serving lust we are trained in this commercialized world to think it should be.

And of course, not every person lets themselves be trained by it so easily either.

There are some real gentlemen and ladies out there in jeans and shirt and easy shoes.

They don’t think they’re anybody special but because they appreciate the work involved in anything that’s worthwhile, they find more smiles in their days.

-

Cont. reading in part three.

If you are enjoying this four-part series, why not include a friend or two so they can enjoy it with you.

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* (See article: ‘Why We Dream’ - ORB X NEWS)